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The Adventure of Marriage
Getting married is an adventure. Because when you’re getting married, you are doing something you don’t know anything about. And even when you try it a couple of times, you usually know less about it the second time than you did the first.
Marriage is what a family is built on. It is the
In this society, at this time, a family is
the group that cares for each other, protects itself and is able to carry itself into the future.
A culture (a group of people who share the same beliefs, way of life, traditions, etc.) will be destroyed or lost if its basic building block—the family—is removed.
The relationship of marriage is a postulated relationship.
Postulated means a decision that has been made that something is or will be a certain way. In other words, a marriage is something that two people create together. The decision they made is the only reason the marriage exists.
The problems begin when people stop creating (making or putting work into) or postulating the marriage. And that is what happens to most marriages. People stop creating the family group. And when they stop creating it, the marriage is no longer there.
For example, take a couple who go for a short walk once a week in the nearby park and regularly talk about their plans, such as how they will decorate their house, improve their garden or help their children with their schoolwork. When they work on things like this, they are talking to each other about creating their relationship and the future of their family. But let us say that one day, they run into some
financial difficulties. They decide they are too busy for their weekly walk or to even take time to talk to each other about their future plans. When the husband comes home, he spends all his time answering e-mails and she spends her spare time browsing the internet trying to find ways to make extra money to pay the bills. They don’t even discuss their plans to handle their finances together. They have stopped creating their marriage and family. Before long, the marriage is over.
It isn’t because of the bad things that people do that makes agreements such as marriage fall apart, such as one of the partners being unfaithful and starting a hidden relationship with someone else. It is because of the things that people don’t do. When you have an entirely postulated relationship, you
have to continue to create it. You have to keep putting it there by your actions. And a family which doesn’t continue to create itself as a family will stop existing as a family. That’s about the most basic and important thing you need to know about it.
Where people are having trouble with marriage, it is because they are expecting it to run on
automatic. They think it will stay together without them doing anything to put it there and keep it together. Unfortunately, it won’t. It has to be created.
When a child is introduced into the family, he will also begin to postulate the family into a group. If the parents are no longer creating their marriage and the family group is beginning to fall apart, the child will try all sorts of things to keep the family group in
In fact, it has been found that one of the reasons a child gets himself injured is to make his parents realize they have responsibilities for the family. Childhood illness and injuries most often happen directly after family upsets.
But whether a child’s parents stay together or break up, this has nothing to do with his future and whether or not he can make a successful marriage when he is older. The success of his marriage will depend on him making a decision and then working to keep that decision in place.
If you have the idea that a marriage is set up to succeed automatically and that you don’t personally have to do anything to try to keep it going, it will end up in failure or divorce. But if you enter a marriage with the understanding that a marriage is something you have to postulate into existence and
keep creating, you can make any marriage a success or even save a marriage that is failing.
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